Self-love does not come easy, especially when the media, and the world, fights you at every angle. Especially when you feel like your last relationships were all lessons and obstacles more than they were memories. When you’re in an industry that is supposed to be about beauty, but ends up being more about vanity. Even more when this industry is all about “keeping up” with appearances.

For years, we didn’t focus on self love as a country. We didn’t focus on women as anything other than objects. Hell, prior to 10 years ago, curvy “thick” girls, like myself, were seen as fat. Having big lips was seen as a joke, and people told me I shouldn’t wear lipstick to accentuate them. I was told I was hairy and my brows were out of control. I had to fight to be accepted in a society that did not know where to place me; I wasn’t quite brown enough but I damn sure wasn’t white enough. We have all been fed the belief that lighter is better: lighter skin, lighter hair, lighter brows, lighter bodies…

I eventually got tired of it. I got tired of having to fight to keep up. Part of self-love is saying that even though I have my demons, I have my strength. It’s saying that I won’t let my anxiety and depression eat away at me… not anymore. It’s about knowing that asking for help is okay, and then actually asking for help.

Self love is every day. It’s prioritizing you. It’s about doing stuff that makes you happy but also all the other things you HAVE to do. It’s about accepting yourself, and about accepting that sometimes people won’t get you. It’s about not being everyone’s cup of tea, and being okay with that. Because no matter how much caffeine is in your tea, no matter how sweet it is, or how filled your cup is…some people just don’t like fucking tea. That, too, is okay. I like to see myself as a shot of whiskey anyway.

This blog was supposed to be short and sweet. The purpose is to share the seven things I tell myself daily to remind myself that self love is important.

1. The universe has bigger plans and sometimes things are not in my control.

2. Trust the process. Everything happens how it is supposed to.

3. Love pours in and out of me. I am deserving of healthy love.

4. (This is a big one) I am accepting of things I can not change.

5. (This is a bigger one) I am beautiful in so many ways. Today I am the prettiest I have ever been.

6. There is no competition. I am me. They are them.

7. There is more than enough money. Money is abundant and available to me.

To be honest, some of these get changed around depending on what is relevant in my life at the time, but you get the drift. It’s about promoting trust in the universe/god/whatever you believe; realizing sometimes we do not have control and loving what is in front of you.

One of the biggest skills I’ve given myself with self-love is the ability to love others hard. Take this moment, on this Friday, right before the weekend, to love yourself even harder.