Let me make this clear before we even begin; I have no issues with online dating. In fact, I have used multiple dating apps before, including Tinder. However, I think the way society has trained us to date, women especially, we’ve lost our intentions. We date or “talk” for attention, we let things linger for way too long and, quite frankly, we involve people too early on. I stopped dating to date.

Dating with intentions could mean you might not date for a while, it could mean you find yourself alone for a bit, it could even mean putting your foot down when things aren’t going right. Apps like Tinder give us easy and fast attention. Have you ever swiped, started talking, and a few days later they go MIA? Then they pick back up out of no-where, as if it were normal? As soon as someone stops talking or isn’t as interesting anymore, we swipe for the next interesting conversation. I’ve had so personal interactions, my friends have too, where they talked to a handful of different people and either didn’t meet up or only met up when there was nothing else better.

For instance, have you ever dated someone who was really great, maybe had nothing at all wrong with them, but you just weren’t interested? Did you find yourself keeping them around anyway, telling yourself “well, I mean, nothing is wrong with them I’m just not super into them. I like this person better.” That’s dating without intentions. It’s this thing we do where we develop the attitude of single girls dating as “a girls got to eat.” Which, honestly, is the worst advice anyone has ever given me and the worst advice I think I ever passed on to anyone. You. Can. Eat. Without. A. Man. You can enjoy life without excess attention from people you know you’re not truly interested in.

This was hard for me, especially when I was newly single and getting out of a pretty crazy relationship. I wanted to feel beautiful. I wanted to be able to say “yep, I’m a bad bitch. See all these dudes interested in me?”. Now, I’m just a bad bitch regardless.

Dating with intentions made me realize how valuable my time is. I share my time (personal, relationship, career) with those who also value my time. So, the next time you go to answer that text, swipe right, or give out your number, think clearly about what you want and what you’re looking for. No need to waste time in 2018.