If you talk to most of my friends they will say I am TERRIBLE at making and keeping plans.
Them: "What are you doing next Tuesday?"
Me: "I don't know yet"
Them: "Wanna hang out? Wanna do this? Wanna do that?"
My answers are always different ways of saying "maybe" or "I'll let you know".
I'd even make jokes like "98 percent sure I want to do that"
I'm even bad at booking vacations. I typically book my hotels the week before I go anywhere.
Besides having anxiety and depression that sometimes gets in the way, I have to be like this. I have to take care of me, my mental health and my life before I can make sure I have to "keep" plans for dinner or parties or whatever for the sake of you. It is not selfish. It's prioritizing. I won't take offense for you focusing on you. I think a lot of times we look at self love and prioritizing ourselves as selfish. It's not. Let me repeat that again: loving myself first is not selfish. It also does not mean I don't love you as much.
This is a reminder for anyone that is focusing on themselves. This does not mean you are selfish. This means you are making sure you are 'overfilling' yourself. Everyone talk about filling your cup. Well, over fill that bitch. Pour so much love into yourself that it flows from every where. Give people what is left. Not what is fresh.
Think about this: When we go on planes, the flight attendant gives instructions incase of emergency. They talk about making sure your oxygen is secure before assisting those next to you. It doesn't mean you don't love others, that you don't care or that you're worried about your life only. But, you LITERALLY CAN NOT HELP SOMEONE SAFELY, when you are gasping for your own air. Let's repeat that again: YOU CAN NOT HELP SOMEONE SAFELY WHEN YOU ARE GASPING FOR YOUR OWN AIR. Fill your body with oxygen first.
I am not sorry that I have canceled plans, I am not sorry I don't come to every major thing going on in your life and I'm not sorry that you're upset about it. It's never been personal. There is not enough time in the day and ultimately, sometimes life just doesn't always give us all the options. But know, I always love you and I'm always rooting for you, even if it is from afar. And, any chance I can be apart of your special days I will be. Please know that I will respect any time you can not make it to things for me. I know that you are supporting me as you take care of you. And honestly, I'm happier that you'e taking care of you than running thin just to feel like you "can't cancel", Cause, I've been there...so many times. And ultimately, I'm the only one that suffers.
So, I'm not sorry I'm a "flake". I'm sorry that taking care of myself first was ever misunderstood. Here is to loving ourselves harder, building stronger friendships and taking life a little bit easier.
(This blog is inspired by Style Your Mind podcast. Instagram: @thechampagnediet
Image from Google )